For the past few months, I have been struggling with what I want to do with my life. Since I decided I wanted to own my own business one day, I never felt like that was the end decision. I knew I wanted to do something bigger than have my own boutique. From day one, I wanted to help people.
I prayed and prayed for God to tell me and show me what He wanted me to do here. All I wanted Him to do was give me some sort of something to let me know what He wanted me to do and I would do it. Every day, I felt hopeless. I kept wondering why He wouldn't answer me and why everyone seems to have their life together but me. I felt like a waste of space. Satan hit me day after day with lies. He told me I wasn't good enough, that I would never be able to anything for God, and that I was a waste of a soul.
Psalm 143:1-8 was me:
"Hear my prayer, O Lord, give ear to my supplications! In your faithfulness answer me, and in Your righteousness. Do not enter into judgment with Your servant, for in Your sight no one living is righteous. For the enemy has persecuted my soul; he has crushed my life to the ground; he has made me dwell in darkness, like those who have long been dead. Therefore my spirit is overwhelmed within me; My heart within me is distressed. I remember the days of old; I meditate on all Your works: I muse on the work of Your hands. I spread out my hands to You; My soul longs for You like a thirsty land. Answer me speedily, O Lord; My spirit fails! Do not hide Your face from me, Lest I be like those who go down into the pit. Cause me to hear Your lovingkindness in the morning. For in You do I trust; Cause me to know the way in which I should walk, for I lift up my soul to You."
Last Sunday, during church, the pastor was towards the end of his sermon. I can't even begin to tell you what he said, but a feeling came over me and an idea came into my head. I began writing an idea down in my journal, getting chills as I wrote down every word. In the middle of church, I believe that God answered my prayers. All of a sudden, the world was a whole lot brighter and I finally felt like God was calling me to be His
servant. After all, I waited months for this day!
My verse for the past few months has been Hebrews 10:23, "Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for He who promised is faithful." I have to say, I wavered. Big time. I doubted that God would answer me. I read this verse almost every day the past few months and it's funny because I just "stumbled" on it. However, now I know that God had led me to this verse and made me read it, to let me know that He is faithful. And boy, do I know that now.
-Carrie
